School Anxieties

St. Edward's Campus

An Insight into the Anxieties of Taylor

My spring semester has begun. I am taking four classes. I was taking five, but after one hellishly long day, it became four. (My counselor, who was new in the position, signed me up for a class I was not supposed to be allowed to take until I was accepted into the teaching program.) After chastising myself over how long I am going to be in school, that I am not taking more hours, I realized that I love education and who cares how long it takes? I genuinely enjoy learning all different subjects and one of the important things about school for me is feeling balanced. I work at BookPeople 20 hours a week as well as attend school. I have been there over 2 ½ years. I have found the ability to balance school, work and life in these past couple of years. I can’t bring myself to increase my school or work schedule at the risk of my life. It might take me longer to finish school but I am devoting all of myself to my studies, learning them beyond simply making the grade. Sometimes I get caught up with this idea of time and expectation. I feel I am behind some predetermined schedule society has erected and that I am not living up to what and where people want me to be. I have these mini anxiety attacks that I am wasting my time, that I am failing my responsibilities, that I could be making more money. I see people my own age graduating. People ask me about school and when I say I am finished they think for good, not for the semester. Ouch. It hurts to correct that assumption. When this happens I have to readjust my perspective. I am only 21 (almost 22, in fact I think I am going to round up from here on out). My mother went back to school in her forties. If I look around my classes, I can find people my age or older, in between the different freshman, people who work, understand bills, live off campus and don’t think keg parties are the height of socializing.St. Edwards and down town Austin

My classes are all on Tuesdays and Thursdays, all back to back. I have a science class, two literature classes and finally my first education class. I was interrogated by a sophomore who asked in a very condescending tone, “Shouldn’t you have begun taking education classes when you were a sophomore?” Maybe, but I have one now and I am really excited about it. She also said my bookstore (that I am very loyal to) was too overwhelming for her to shop at and she would stick with her corporate ones, a.k.a. Barnes and Noble. I have resolved to avoid her from now on. My education teacher also made a point of telling the class, after I announced my desire to be a high school English teacher, that English and History high school teachers are the two most saturated and difficult positions to attain. This semester is definitely meant to test my determination.This is Holy Cross Hall. It is where the education department is located.

Things I tell myself to feel better:

1. I have a 4.0. Take that snooty sophomore.
2. I’ll be 24 and ten years older than the freshman I will probably, initially be teaching.
3. I will have an easier time identifying with my host teacher during my student teaching because I’ll be older and have more life experiences
4. BookPeople likes me a lot and will offer me a position as long as I am going to school. They are also really great at being flexible with my schedule.
5. I will have a full life with time to spend with Justin, my dogs, take vacations, etc. and not be stressed out.
6. I have more time to build up my teacher wardrobe.
7. Enough time will have passed that the pendulum in the education field will have swung back and the emphasis on testing and No Child Left Behind will have faded.
8. Bush will be leaving the White House when I go into teaching.
9. With maturity I will be smarter and more self assured.
10. There is a chance that a revolution in public thinking will occur in these next two years and the salaries for our teachers will rise due to a direct reduction in professional athlete salaries and increased appreciation for the teaching profession and all of the English teachers will leave the AISD system (for reasons unknown) and the different schools will be begging for me to come work for them.