The Closest and Best Escape
“Cognitive dissonance is a psychological state that describes the uncomfortable feeling when a person begins to understand that something the person believes to be true is, in fact, not true. Similar to ambivalence, the term cognitive dissonance describes conflicting thoughts or beliefs (cognitions) that occur at the same time, or when engaged in behaviors that conflict with one's beliefs.” Wikipedia
When I try to explain what has happened to me over the past 5 months and what has prompted the alterations and growth spurts, I can’t. Most people, unless they were their, just don’t understand. It’s like trying to explain a joke after it’s been told. You’re laughing but everyone else just stares. It’s like trying to explain a crisis that constricted your heart. People nod and shake their heads, but they weren’t there when everything fell apart. It’s like trying to explain making art. You have to be there to know it. When I try to explain my recent life it’s understated, brushed off and misunderstood. So, I don’t explain it a lot, and regret it if you do. If you were there, you got it. You understood the experience of cognitive dissonance. Shifting paradigms don’t happen often and aren’t fun when they come as a surprise.
My paradigm shifted and everything is different now. Everything can become nothing rather easily and nothing can become everything. The right motivation can move a lot.
I was almost married. It didn’t happen, but I promise it devastated as if it were a divorce. I cried, I hated, I slapped, I forgave, I grew up and into myself, but most of all I escaped. It was the best escape. It was the closest escape. Path all set and then changed.
People understand divorce as devastating. I wasn’t divorced and everyone says I am lucky to not be, that I escaped. The thing is I feel divorced. I lived with someone for 5 years. Ate, slept, paid bills, moved, adopted dogs and did just about everything with one person for five years. I can count on my hands the number of times we slept apart.
Everything became nothing.
When experiencing cognitive dissonance, you do the only thing you can – change.
When I try to explain what has happened to me over the past 5 months and what has prompted the alterations and growth spurts, I can’t. Most people, unless they were their, just don’t understand. It’s like trying to explain a joke after it’s been told. You’re laughing but everyone else just stares. It’s like trying to explain a crisis that constricted your heart. People nod and shake their heads, but they weren’t there when everything fell apart. It’s like trying to explain making art. You have to be there to know it. When I try to explain my recent life it’s understated, brushed off and misunderstood. So, I don’t explain it a lot, and regret it if you do. If you were there, you got it. You understood the experience of cognitive dissonance. Shifting paradigms don’t happen often and aren’t fun when they come as a surprise.
My paradigm shifted and everything is different now. Everything can become nothing rather easily and nothing can become everything. The right motivation can move a lot.
I was almost married. It didn’t happen, but I promise it devastated as if it were a divorce. I cried, I hated, I slapped, I forgave, I grew up and into myself, but most of all I escaped. It was the best escape. It was the closest escape. Path all set and then changed.
People understand divorce as devastating. I wasn’t divorced and everyone says I am lucky to not be, that I escaped. The thing is I feel divorced. I lived with someone for 5 years. Ate, slept, paid bills, moved, adopted dogs and did just about everything with one person for five years. I can count on my hands the number of times we slept apart.
Everything became nothing.
When experiencing cognitive dissonance, you do the only thing you can – change.
posted by tayjay at 4:21 PM
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